1. From the Desk of David Pogue: Ode to the R.I.A.A. ==========================================================
Ever since I phased out my career as a Broadway arranger and conductor, I've tried to keep my toe in the showbiz world in my own peculiar way: I write new, tech-industry lyrics to old melodies.
Here's my very latest. It's a special tribute to the R.I.A.A., the Recording Industry Association of America - the organization of the record companies who've decided to fight music piracy by filing lawsuits. It goes to the tune of the Village People song "Y.M.C.A." Ready? Cue the disco drums!
Young man, You were surfing along, And then, young man, You downloaded a song, And then, dumb man, Copied it to your 'Pod, Then a phone call came to tell you:
You've just been sued by the R.I.A.A.! You've just been sued by the R.I.A.A.! Their attorneys say, you committed a crime, And there'd better not be a next time!
They've lost their minds at the R.I.A.A.! Justice is blind at the R.I.A.A.... "You're depriving the bands! You are learning to steal, You can't do whatever you feel!"
Know what? They're a lawsuit machine. They say so what If you're only thirteen? And you know what? They were equally mean To an 80-year-old grandma!
CD Sales have dropped every year, They're not greedy- They're just quaking with fear, Yes, indeedy- What if their end is near, And we download all our music?
They'd all freak out at the R.I.A.A.- No plastic discs from the R.I.A.A.! What a way to make friends! It's a plan that can't fail: Haul your customers off to jail!
And who'll be next for the R.I.A.A.? What else is vexing the R.I.A.A.? Maybe whistling a tune? Maybe humming along? Maybe mocking them in a song-!
(The sound of jackboots bursting into the room...handcuffs...muffled cries...a columnist being dragged away... repeat and fade.)